May Days

The semester ended a little over a week ago, and I've been home since then, as the dorms closed eight hours after I finished my last final. Finals were stressful, as always, but I did finally manage a 4.0 semester, which I was happy about because it means that the trendline of my GPA has a statistically significant R^2 value. I made a graph of my GPA since I started college, not including summer term or the CIS German classes I took in high school, to illustrate this point, because I don't think people have really understood exactly what I mean when I say that my grades were trending towards a 4.0 this semester, although I'm not totally sure what this observed trend means with regards to my remaining 4 semesters. I'd like to think that my GPA will max out and achieve steady state at 4.0, but I highly doubt that as all of my Chemistry electives from here on in will be courses designed for graduate students that they allow undergrads to enroll in for major credit. Also, advanced labs.

So far, being home for the summer hasn't been as bad as I expected, but it's only been a week and the [SiblingBots] have yet to finish school, so it's been quiet around the house on the days I'm home. I have also successfully managed to be out of the house most days, as I have been going to campus nearly every week day to work in the lab, which is nice because it gives me something productive to do, and gets me out of the house at a reasonable hour. I like being on campus during the summer, because it's quiet and it's possible to enjoy the mall without there being several thousand people around, which also makes it significantly easier to find seating in Coffman. Campus during the summer is green and peaceful, and so far the weather has been nice enough to sit outside and enjoy the sun without significant amounts of wind or exorbitant heat.

This pretty much sums up how I feel when I'm at home (via)

It has been kind of weird being home though, because, to a certain extent, it feels exactly like last summer, when I was going to campus for summer classes and wandering around feeling sorry for myself when I wasn't in class. A couple of times now I've been driving and a song will come on (yes, I do listen to music when I drive, Imaginary Readers, as crazy as that seems, I just don't listen to the radio) and I'll have this flash of feeling, like absolutely nothing has changed in the past year and I'm exactly where I was last summer, which always leaves me kind of thrown. I know that it's just that I'm at home, and I spent all of last summer having lots of strong feelings about some things, so I'm bound to associate some of the patterns I have fallen back into with those feelings, but I don't really like it, because, in fact, a whole lot has happened in the past year and I don't feel the same way now that I did then, despite the fact that I'm having (different) feelings about some of the same stuff/people. It's weird to all of the sudden be experiencing old emotions, especially ones that aren't all that great, because for the most part, I've been feeling pretty decent lately, and when that happens, it brings up a lot of old insecurities and issues that I don't really want to be dealing with right now, because they aren't actually relevant to my current situation, and are generally bringing my down.

Despite all of my whining, there are some nice things about being home, including getting to spend time with [SisterBot] who I've gotten fairly close to recently. It's nice to talk to her, particularly since we both have the same issues with the [ParentalUnits] and [BrotherBorg], and it's nice to be able to talk to her about stuff that other people don't get because they didn't grow up in my family. Like about how [MaternalUnit] saw the Marvel comics shot glass set [Львица] gave me for my birthday and automatically assumed I would be using them for storage, because I don't ever do shots or drink when I'm not at home with my parents (which I totally don't if you're reading this [MaternalUnit]).

Anyways, this summer has started out okay, and I hope that it continues that way. Mostly, right now I want [Keeper of All Knowledge] to get back from Wisconsin so I don't feel so pushy about asking [Totally a Cat] to hang out, but there is a strong possibility that any weirdness between [Totally a Cat] and I recently is completely in my head. I should probably also stop reading books about fundamentalist Christianity, because that just doesn't seem healthy, and several people now have thought that I meant I was thinking about converting when I told them about said books. (Rest assured, Imaginary Readers, I am not going to convert to fundamentalist evangelical Christianity because that just wouldn't end well for anybody involved, and if I ever do, I give you permission to kidnap and deprogram me because it really would be for the best).

(via)